Transition

We have been to several Year 12 graduations lately, which always has me thinking back to when I finished school all those many moons ago. 

I actually got an invite to a high school reunion the other day. 

Someone had posted on a Facebook page, “Has it really been 15 years since school finished? Oh, I feel so old!” 

“Ummm it’s actually been 20 years!” someone else had replied.  I had to laugh!

Well, when I wrote my last post I had no idea what God had in mind for the month ahead and maybe if I had known, I might not have reacted quite so calmly.

After getting stuck into my Thai language study for a few weeks, the “possibility” of helping to champion the new ZOE Transitional House and Transitional Program for kids finishing Year 12 to study at university, or work, suddenly became a reality. 

Dave and I had talked about it off and on over the years, but really, “Who are we?” we thought!  “We haven’t even been through the teenage years with our own kids.”  “We’re not the best choice.”

We sent off an email expressing interest last year, then fast forward to last month and all of a sudden, there we were sitting in the Strategy Room at ZOE, talking about moving house and programs and helping kids find part-time jobs and budgets…

It’s been a really busy few weeks, but we asked for God’s peace and He gave it. 

In the past month we have packed up home, found a suitable “transitional” house in the city, moved into the upstairs part of the house and begun the program that will assist these young adults setting out on their new adventures, their new season of life and what will certainly be an exciting road ahead to their future dreams and aspirations. 

Already several of the recent high school graduates have come over to hang out downstairs at the house, start to collect job applications and search for university dormitories.  Some of the boys even came over to trim up the yard and trees while Dave was away for the week.  So sweet! 

It hasn’t even been 2 weeks since we moved in yet but already the house has been a hive of activity.

One of the young adults, who will be completing Year 11 and 12, and will be living at the house, just had an answer to prayer.  Yesterday we found out that he was accepted into one of the best private schools in the city due to his academic record.  He is already a few years older than his school peers but he has so much determination to finish school well and then get into university and study to be a doctor.  We are so excited to get behind him and support him to see his dream fulfilled.

Some of the girls will initially stay at the house short-term while they begin to look for work during the summer break.  The house will also be used for the ZOE Life Skills program, youth events, Family Bonding week etc.  I am so excited to see how this place can be utilised as a space for spiritual growth, fellowship and fun.

After staying up to 1am unpacking boxes on the day we moved in and madly cleaning and trying to make it feel homely, it warmed my heart to see the young people arrive the next day, run into the home and flop onto the couch making themselves comfortable with excited giggles and chatter. 

It’s been nice to see how they have already used the space to relax, watch T.V, play the Wii or just chat.  One of the girls came later in the week with a painting she had done to hang on the wall as well as some artificial roses she wanted to put in a vase.

I am really looking forward to being able to watch these young people grow and develop further as they begin this new stage of their lives.
You can read more about why this program is so important here at the ZOE blog!

Our Actions Count... Part 4

~Help Stop Human Trafficking at the Source~

Well here it is- Part 4.  I hope you’ve been following along because we’re at the end now of a four-part series entitled ‘Our Actions Count’.  It’s for parents, teachers, care-givers, grandparents and anyone really with them aim of thrashing out some ideas that will:

1.   Help kids learn to delay gratification.

2.   Steer boys to manhood.

3.   Show how pornography and sex trafficking are linked.

4.   Help stop human trafficking at the source.

In Part 1, I wrote about exercising delayed gratification.  I believe that when we practice this, we are also learning self-control.  In such an instant world, where we can have what we want, when we want it ... this skill is actually a difficult one to develop.

Media, such as magazine ads, TV, video games, and music videos leave lasting effects in our minds.  Most of the messages we receive tell us that we don’t need to wait… we can have it all and we need it all now!

I really like these ideas adapted from www.freetoshop.org that outline some of the many ways that we can stop human trafficking at the source.

1.  Understand that human trafficking victims are often forced to participate in pornography and prostitution against their will.  They are the victims of criminal activity.

2.  Recognize the danger of pornography as being unhealthy and addictive.  Pornography, time and time again, sexualizes women and instills the belief that the sex acts portrayed are normal.  It also repeatedly degrades and humiliates women with acts of violence coupled with pain and suffering.

3.  Realize that prostitution inflicts enormous physical and psychological damage on the victim and that sexual abuse is the norm.

4.  Educate your children about better entertainment options than going to strip clubs, raunchy bachelor parties and x-rated movies.  (Encourage your sons to find other ways to express manhood and male bonding that doesn’t involve male dominance or control over women).

5.  Just like discussed in Part 2 of this series, parents should “raise the bar” for their sons by having a high expectation of how their sons show respect for women, sex and their family.

6.  Be a good role model for your children in your actions, words and deeds.  Fathers and older brothers should drop the “good ole boys” view of sexual exploits and attitudes that are often found in male dominated environments such as sports bars, golf courses, fraternities, locker rooms, etc.

7.   Find a resource, suited to your family, that would aid in the discussion and education of what sustainable, loving relationships and healthy, fulfilling sex should look like for both your sons and daughters.  Parents really shouldn’t avoid talking about sex, pornography and choices with their children otherwise they will simply get an unhealthy view of these issues from someone else.  For a starting place, check out the Focus on the Family website. 

8.  Learn more about human trafficking and educate others while engaging in activism that supports the end of modern day slavery.

9.  Support anti-trafficking organizations (like ZOE) as well as policies and laws that help to stem the tide of modern day slavery and human trafficking.

10.  YOU CAN create change using your gifts, talents and knowledge through the use of the written word, public speaking, volunteerism and responsible consumerism.

11. Help your child/teen protect themselves from being exposed to unwanted pornographic material by setting clear, consistent rules with them around the use of technology.

12. Get familiar with technology. If your kids are using it, so should you. Make sure you understand concepts like email, texting, IMing, gaming, social networking, phone features and web cameras.  Discuss Internet safety frequently with your children and at every age level.

13. Ask your kids about Facebook and MySpace. Check your child's privacy settings.  Many people still have personal data exposed and they don’t even know it.

I’m hoping this series has encouraged you, as much as it has me, to keep working on both developing self-control and practicing delayed gratification within your family.  

I desperately want to raise boys that don’t treat women as objects but learn to be real men with pure motives. 

I am excited to see what will happen as we keep talking about these sensitive issues like pornography and sexual exploitation and how (if we can change the moral fiber of our communities) we can bring about real change and decrease the staggering numbers of people being trapped in modern day slavery.

OUR ACTIONS REALLY DO COUNT!

Please raise awareness of these issues by SHARING this series with your circle of influence.

Our Actions Count… Part 1

~Helping kids to delay gratification~

It’s easy to see how instant gratification has become the norm isn’t it?  We live in a world where we want everything and we want it straight away. 

I know I’m guilty of this.

Dave still teases me about how when we were newly weds and we’d be looking for furniture or something. 

After ordering the piece we wanted we’d be told we’d have to wait a month or so until the order was ready, and all the while, he just knew I’d be wondering,

“How much is it for the one on display?  The one that’s different… in the wrong colour…and not quite the right size? ... Could we take it today... now ?”

I’ve been mulling over a few things lately.  

Reading and stewing and trying to make sense of a lot of things.  When I started to try to put it all in to words, I realized it was a LOT! 

So I have divided up my thoughts in to a four part series entitled ‘Our Actions Count’.  It’s for parents, teachers, care-givers, grandparents and anyone really with them aim of thrashing out some ideas that will:

     1.   Help kids learn to delay gratification.

     2.   Steer boys to manhood.

     3.   Show how pornography and sex trafficking are linked.

     4.   Help stop human trafficking at the source.

So let’s dive in, shall we?

We get used to living in an “instant” world: instant messaging, texts, emails, fax, Internet, food, banking, information, wealth… the list goes on. 

We want it all NOW!

I’m know when we got married, we had way more than what our parents started out with as newly weds.  Now a days it’s very common to see couples beginning married life with brand-new everything.  They instantly have all the things that their parents and grandparents worked a lifetime to acquire. 

As parents, we must ask ourselves, are we guilty of relentless giving to our children who feel entitled to have it all now and yet never really seem grateful for what they do have?

Every day, little children are bombarded with media messages, cleverly created advertisements to cause them to hunger after all the latest games, toys, technology and fashion.  

As they get older, they become drenched with messages telling them how to be cool and what to do to be acceptable and “normal”.

Susan Linn, an instructor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, says, "Parents and children are living in a commercially driven culture that glorifies conspicuous consumption, and that's harmful".

“Those messages persuade parents and kids they can't be happy without certain brands or products”, she said.

"People are buying into that belief that what makes a child happy is buying them things," Linn said. "But the research tells us that things don't make us happy."

And so I’m left wondering…what are we teaching our children?  What messages are we subtly sending if our phone beeps during dinner-time and we race to see who sent us a message, if we insist on same day delivery, if we give our kids everything they want straight away.

Having it all now cannot possible teach a child delayed gratification, can it?

A precious friend sent our children a generous amount of money last year.  Well, Dave and I knew that our eldest son had outgrown his bicycle.  His friends knew it too and had occasionally teased him about how small his old bike was compared to their newer and bigger ones.  So when this money came through, with the specific instruction to buy something for each of the children, we instantly wanted to go out and buy our son that new bike he needed and put his suffering to an end.

After some discussion though we reconsidered, deciding to postpone the purchase of the bike until Christmas time (a few months later) to help our son learn about this very issue of delayed gratification.  

Those few months of ‘enduring’ what he’d outgrown definitely made him all the more thankful when the time finally came to own a bigger bike. 

So what else can we do to help our children in this area?

Here’s just a few ideas:

-Create opportunities that will allow your child to interact with other children less fortunate than themselves.  This will help to keep their needs and desires in perspective.  Villages, slums, poor communities, foster care, orphanages, camps for disadvantaged kids… there’s opportunity all around.

- Spend time playing games, cards, going on dates or just hanging out and talking with your child.  This way they will learn that “getting things” isn't the only way to feel loved and special.

-Recycle or fix toys and clothing that break, wear out or become outdated.   Model this by doing the same with your belongings.  You don’t have to update your phone every 6 months for a better one.

- Limit consumption and help your child set goals and save up their money for earning desired things.

- Examine your own buying habits and values, because your children can't help but inherit them.

- Steer away from always buying store-bought toys that do everything. Challenge your kids to create a game from two pencils, marbles, a ruler or scraps of paper.

I’m sure there’s more… What others ideas have you got?  Please leave us a comment.

And stay tuned for Part 2 of Our Actions Count. 

It will be all about ‘Steering boys to manhood’.  

...and it's Friday!

Yay, it's Friday!! How's your week been?
I'm happy to report that mine has been really great!
Starting with a public holiday on Monday, my three kids and I spent the day enjoying a slightly cooler (and rather stormy) ol' day indoors playing UNO, reading and baking a bountiful supply of gingerbread men.

On Tuesday, as I headed in to ZOE to help Kaylee teach English to the primary school children, I noticed that the roads near ZOE were covered in debris.  Large framed signs had been totally demolished and were now strewn down embankments and trees, which had fallen across the road, had been pushed aside to allow the flow of traffic to continue.  

The dirt track leading in to the ZOE property was muddy and slippery and it looked like a tornado had gone through.

After mentioning it to someone at lunch, they reported that a small tornado had gone through!  There was a little bit of damage done to some of our buildings, but thankfully nobody was harmed.  We've had the insurance company out at ZOE this week, surveying the damage.

For the English classes, the day was divided between 6 groups with about 6-7 students per group at various levels.

I've heard it said, "You can take the teacher out of the classroom, but you can't take the classroom out of the teacher" or something like that.  I guess, for me, this week has reminded me again how much I LOVE teaching and what a joy it is to see learning taking place right before your very eyes.

So this week I helped with the English classes on Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday which = SO MUCH FUN!

On Thursday I had the pleasure of visiting another local organization here in Chiangmai called Urban Light.  

Adrian Rowse, a fellow Aussie, has taken on a twelve month role at Urban Light as their Thailand Director. 

Urban Light provides 15-25 year old young men working in Chiang Mai’s red-light districts with access to support, advocacy, English and life skills classes and alternative vocational training. Most importantly Urban Light is a place where exploited young men are loved, valued and accepted.  

It was great to meet Adrain and hear about his passion for helping these guys.

So what do you do when it gets to Friday night and everyone is hot and bothered and in desperate need to chill out in both body and mind?  

Why go to Sizzler, that's what!  We had a special family treat tonight and enjoyed a nice dinner out... whoowhoo for no dishes and three sleepy children by the time we got home.  Such a funny night in that we kept bumped in to people that we knew while we were out, two families from preschool, another family from our neighborhood and the entire PE department from Tobi's school. LOL.

Hope your weekend's AWESOME!

Andie

Master Chef vs Survivor

Have you ever tried to make something in the kitchen only to find yourself running out of both available bench space as well as clean chopping boards and then facing one set back after another?
That was my cooking experience tonight.  
I was making lasagna.  It's a family favorite, something that we don't eat in Thailand very often, a real treat and rare that we even have all the ingredients in stock.
I'd made the meat sauce and that went reasonably smoothly, other than the fact that both my chopping boards were completely covered in carrot, tomato, onion and garlic scraps that screamed, "clean me up".
I didn't though but instead began to make the white sauce and that's when the setbacks began...
The white sauce wasn't thickening up enough so I decided to add some cornflour.  My baking containers are all squished in to a bottom cupboard and so on hands and knees, I began searching for the corn flour which, because I don't use very often, was of course, right at the back.  I needed it quickly so I pulled all the other containers out and just left them on the floor to race back to the saucepan.  
I then discovered that I had neither the bench space or the motivation to simply find a cup and combine a small amount with some liquid before adding it in.  I saw the mess on the bench and made a bad choice and just threw a bit in.... of course it just made the already thin sauce really lumpy.  
After angrily trying to beat the lumps out of it with the back of the wooden spoon, I resorted to the fact that I would have to put it in the blender.  To get to the blender, I had to move the rice cooker but there was no where for the rice cooker to sit on the already full bench, so I put it on the floor too.  
I blended the white sauce, which did the trick beautifully, but added to my pile of dishes that were now stacked high like the Eiffel Tower.  I then had to add the cheese.  Well, cheese here is very expensive so to save money I buy it in a big packet from the Thai version of Cash and Carry and freeze it!  Then I can just cut off sections when we need it.  But of course my chopping boards were still covered in vegetables peels, my bench was lost under everything... the floor {just kidding}... it was not an option. Really!  
I grabbed a clean plate from the dish drying rack, balanced it on the side of the sink and did my best to hack off what I needed.


{pause}


Do you ever feel like life is a bit like this?  
You want to do (A) but you can't do it until you accomplish (B) but you can't accomplish (B) until you finish (C), but you can't finish (C) until you move from (D).  You can't move from (D) until you've achieved (E).... and so on.


I have so many things that I'd like to say, share, understand, discuss with the people here, but I can't do any of that until I can comprehend and speak Thai.  
I can't understand and speak Thai unless I practice and study all the time.  
I can't practice and study until I prioritize it and not just leave it until the night before my lesson like I {sadly} often do.


And so that's where I'm at, basically I'm in the middle a big mess!


But, you know what?  I did find the corn flour... I did stack back the containers nicely... I put back my rice cooker too... washed the dishes.... wiped the bench and mopped the floor.
You know what else?  {Not to boast} but I made a really GREAT lasagna {and dessert too!!!}.

And strangely enough, this small, insignificant task of making dinner on an ordinary Wednesday night in the North of Thailand comforts me.  Because if I can survive the small set backs in my kitchen, and reach a not-so-important 'end goal' then I am going to make it my mission to keep on trying to achieve my harder, yet much more significant, ones.
I am definitely never going to be a contestant on Master Chef but I am determined to keep-on surviving persevering here until I am speaking Thai like a local!  


What's your advice on "sticking with it"?  How do you motivate yourself to never give up despite the set backs?  Please leave us a comment below!

Scary Teenagers!

Okay so I am a trained primary school teacher... and therefore any age group that falls below or above that bracket is, well, kind-of {a bit} scary for me.
Thankfully Tobi has reached the right age group now where I feel that I can effectively help him but {honestly} I'm still fumbling my way around with Eliana and Spencer! Haha!

And then on the other end of the spectrum, there's the teenage years... and, well that's a whole different fear altogether!
But when I stop and ponder why I actually find teenagers so scary, I'm not even really sure I know the answer.  
When I actually think about the teenagers I know, that I see, that I talk to and that I have contact with regularly... none of them are at all the frightening characters that I've built "teenagers" up to be in my mind.

I remember blogging after our trip back to Australia in July about how amazed I was by the teenagers that we met at the various schools we visited. 
I also wrote about the amazing youth at Maranatha that raised over $7,000 dollars to help ZOE.
And on top of that, the older missionary kids here and ZOE youth alike are all phenomenal kids that actually inspire and challenge my thinking and actions regularly.
Why, just today I marveled at the senior students at Tobi's track and field day that pretty much organized the day and spent large amounts of time trackside, cheering on and encouraging the little ones to keep running and not give up.
And earlier this week, I had another "teenager" experience that once again left me wondering, where do I get this scary- teenager notion from that I so often resort back to?
David was recently asked by Graham Smith to assist his Australian team here, to run some sessions over at Chiangmai International School.  And so he was booked to do a couple of presentations to the Year 11 and 12 students on Human Trafficking. 

Well, after the sessions had finished, and we were about to head off to pick up our own children, one of the seventeen year old girls on the team approached us for a chat.
As the next 30 or so minutes unfolded I was, once again, BLOWN AWAY.  
I can't actually remember much of what I was really like as a seventeen year old girl, but I sure don't remember being as bold, courageous, confident, mature, aware, sensitive and motivated as this girl. 


I'm telling you, it is my privilege to have these opportunities to meet these young people.  I LOVE hearing their hearts and seeing the potential in them to go on and do AMAZING things.



I truly believe this generation are the ones rising up to make changes and to be the voice on many issues that we're facing today and I am excited to be around them to see a glimpse of what their putting their hands to as well as spending time just hanging out and hearing about their dreams and passions. 

That's NOT Fair!

The concept of fairness has really had me thinking lately. Following a series of conversations with close friends and my children's words,"That's not fair", ringing in my ears... I've been on a quest to figure it out... in my own mind.  Where do I stand on the issue of fairness and how does it fit in to our family?
One thing I know from having three children is that despite them all having the same mum and dad, they are all completely different from one another. Although they do share a likeness in their appearance, they like different foods, they have different temperaments and there is no "one" way to parent them because they all respond differently to behavioral discipline and rewards.  
As embarrassing as this sounds, the first words to escape my mouth when one of my kids says, "That's not fair" are often "Well, life's not fair!"  But how do I explain that concept to my 5, 4 and 2 year old when so much of the other time, I am cutting 'equal' pieces of cake, dishing out the same number of crackers and making sure that what one gets, the others do too?
The problem is, that when one of my children misses out on something that the other one got, they feel unjustly treated. How do they learn to cope when they're not invited to a party that their sibling is, or when their sister gets a lolly bag and they don't?  If they think that life has to be fair, then aren't they being set up for constant disappointment and frustration?
I'm wondering, if society has swung too far on the 'fairness' pendulum by creating situations where every child is a winner, all the kids get a trophy and nobody fails?  
I love this quote from parentguidenews.com, "Aim for equity rather than for equality. Equity means that all children have comparable opportunities to be loved and appreciated and to have their needs met. Equity does not mean that all children are treated the same way. As you know, no two children are the same, and there’s no reasonable rationale for treating them as if they were".  
It goes on to explain that as alternative, we could teach our children that we are not attempting to treat them equally because different children have different needs.  
We can explain, I am trying to address your needs. I am not trying to be fair or make things even. Tell me what you need, and let's talk about seeing if we can make it happen for you.
But even this seems idealistic to me. Fine for the family that has the means to provide for their children's needs but what about the 1.7 billion people who are estimated to live in absolute poverty today?
It's not fair when children are born in to families where they aren't cared for, or when teenage girls are sold to brothels, or that little boys have to steal food just to keep their younger siblings alive or that some children have no food to eat night after night...
On ministrytochildren.com is says, "The Bible reveals only three instances in which the word fair, meaning equal or same, is used, and each time it is terms of how humans should treat other people fairly. In all of these instances, God was not calling for equal treatment, but merely that we would follow the Golden rule to do unto others as we would have them do unto us".
This leaves me with both a lot to think about and a lot to communicate with my own children.  I need to figure out how we do life in an unfair world, how can I bless my children evenly but not necessarily at the same time and in the same way... and how we help those around us that are born (or find themselves) in unfair situations.   


What's your thoughts? Are you someone who is feeling the pressure to be "fair"?  What do you say to your kids?  What else can parents do to help their kids avoid the trap of thinking that life will always be fair?


I'm adding this video too, food for thought!

It's Sew Great!

Remember when I wrote a few months ago about how I was asked to go and purchase fabric from the day market suitable for making some fitted sheets for the girl’s and boy’s rooms at ZOE Children’s Homes. 

Well with the sewing room in full swing now and lots of new material to play with; sewing classes are proving to be a lot of fun!

We recently had a short-term team here at ZOE from Evergreen Baptist.  Some of the wonderful women on the team were able to run sewing workshops for the ministry school students, parents, staff, children and youth.

The skills that are developing through having a sewing room and the sewing machines available to use are invaluable.

Learning to sew is a skill that even children and teenagers can be taught. Sewing can develop into a hobby or even a life-long passion.  


Learning to sew develops a sense of pride and accomplishment that comes with being able to make something on your own and one of the biggest benefits to learning to sew is the fact that it is teaching our young people here at ZOE to become more self-reliant.

Isn't that just SEW great?

Andie :)