He Loves Me!

Some thoughts from last week...


Tired-three-year-old.  Check.

Frustrated mother.  Check.

Multiple tantrums.  Check. 

I needed Spencer to have a sleep on Friday if there was going to be any chance of going in to ZOE for church.  So, I literally tried everything I could think of to “encourage” him to a state of slumber- but NOTHING worked {sigh}.

After all my efforts failed and I felt like my tried and true calming methods had completely let me down; I began to realize that getting him to sleep actually had nothing to do with me and everything to do with him.  His choice to be disobedient to my repeated commands to lay still, close his eyes and stop wiggling made me see that in the end, you can’t actually force anyone to sleep if they won’t comply.

And so, after a good couple of hours, I let go of any hope that sleep would come and conceded to let him get up and return to playing.

I then sat back and watched the trail of destruction as one tired, frustrated, determined, feisty, Hulk-like child re-entered the lounge room to attack play with, his older siblings.

If I thought he’d seemed worn out and cranky before rest-time, he was ten times more grumpy and out-of-control afterwards!

And I was left feeling really mad.  Why didn’t he just let me snuggle him, pat him, listen to me explain why he needed a sleep… or at the very least just lay still and listen to the soothing music I had put on and just have had a rest?

I gave him time to fall asleep by himself, I offered to sit in his room with him, I showed him every way that I could think of to encourage him to do the right thing … because I love him so much and I know what’s best for him.

But in the end, he made his own choice, used his free-will and went against both my advice and the command to do what I had asked.

I don’t know what shocks me more though, the thought of my child completely refusing to do what I had asked or the realization that me {as an adult} still has times where I totally refuse to do what God asks of me.

When I read in the bible the ‘why’ behind what He requires or when He gently reminds me that He’ll stay by my side or when He provides blessings and shows me in so many different ways that He knows what I need and that His requests are out of an unbelievable, unending, mind blowing love for me.

How do I, after all that, still completely go against His advice and His commands and just totally do my own selfish thing?  … thinking I know better… than God… the Creator… of the whole universe.

Now just to clarify, I haven’t stolen or murdered or coveted my neighbor’s new car BUT there are still times when I meet a stranger and never “get around” to sharing my faith.  There are times when I’ve driven past the needy and not stopped to share what I had.  There are times when my desire for “good behavior” from my kids exceeded my display of understanding and compassion.  And when idols {no I haven’t converted to Buddhism} like Facebook and blogging and my family’s needs and the pursuit of a tidy house have distracted me from keeping God as number 1.

And this saddens me more… much, much more than my son’s disobedience.

But thankfully this is not where ‘it’ ends.

I am looking at my little boy who even as he refuses to say sorry to his sister for his rough handling of her, even as he throws another toy in anger and pokes out his tongue AGAIN… even though he does all these things - I still love him.

I’m madly in-love with him.  He’s my boy.

There’s nothing he could do or say that would make me love him less.

And even more than I can fully understand right now is the head-knowledge that I have a Heavenly Father who is crazy in love with me too.

That even through my selfishness, my sinful nature, my lack of self-control; the creator of the UNIVERSE loves me.  He really does.

AND there’s nothing any of US can do or say to make Him love US less.  I really believe that!

My kids memorized John 3:16 a few weeks ago.  It's been a nice reminder.